The Legend of Jonitalia

Some rules just weren't
meant to be broken...

This is the story of the origin of one of my favorite insults, or at least the way I think I remember it. The actual events are foggy, but it went down something like this. Jon was this infamous guy around my circle of friends growing up. He was most notorious for doing stupid shit and just plain being a dick when doing it. As with most late-teen/early twenty something males we enjoyed coming up with original insults to call each other……the usual names got old after a while. There was a lot of beer consumed (and unfortunately spilled) around the backyard bonfire laughing at and insulting each other.  There was some air of social status that you received for coming up with the most disgusting and vile insult possible. It was like English class, except you were getting graded on improper grammar and inappropriate additions to the English language. The highest scores went to those who came up with the most disgusting, x-rated, stomach-turning, and pseudo-sophisticated words. It seemed like the goal was to come up with something legendary and epic that was adopted into the everyday language of the social group. So, one weekend, we were killing a few cases of brew around the bonfire in my buddy’s back yard. Jon was being his usual self, and one of my other buddies had to let him know….”Dude! You are such a dick! The male genitalia should be named after you. Damn it Jonitalia!”…..and the insult was born. From there on out every body’s name was turned into “italia”. Jonitalia, Zackitalia, Mattitalia, Chrisitalia……and the list went on. This was the impetus of something huge! This happened nearly fifteen years ago and is still in the vocabulary of my friends to this day. Remember, when someone is being a dick, and you want a more sophisticated  way of letting them know it, just add “italia” to the end of their first or last name. So, if you hear your name, and it sounds like “italia” has been added to the end, there is someone out there telling you that you are being a dick. Don’t be a dick, it’s just not cool.