The Center of the Table-verse

The Dharma Initiative couldn't
figure this out either.....

There is a strange force that acts upon my children when they are eating. It is scary, freaky, age-specific, and cannot be explained by science.  It is something that belongs in an M.Night Shyamalan movie or on the island on Lost.  This unknown force has power over my kid’s plates, cups, and silverware. This force only shows up during meal and snack times. The plates, bowls, etc. always start off directly in front of them but mysteriously move to the very end of arm’s reach as they eat. There is some strange attraction pulling things to the center of the counter top and the dinner table.

We are usually alerted to the movement too late, typically noticing the food trail directly in front of the kids. Their arms are usually outstretched as far as possible and they are dropping food all the way from their plates to their mouths. We try to move things back in front of the kids but…..BAM! In the blink of an eye, things move back to the center of the table. There is no way to control it. This phenomenon constantly results in half the food making it to their pie holes and a miserable demise for the rest, often plummeting to its doom when it meets the tile floor.

I have observed this force has less power over my children as they get older, it seems to decay exponentially, but is always present at any age, hence the reason I miss my mouth when eating. We unfortunately cannot completely escape the grasp of this force but we learn to overcome it as best we can as we grow older. Some adults obviously have had better luck than others. There are those who do not bare the mark and those who constantly wear the mark of ill-fated food on their cloths. Some of us can escape the grasp of this supernatural phenomenon and some of us are less lucky. The only way to minimize the effect of this force is constant nagging and correcting of your children. If you fail to do so they will be destined for a life of food stained cloths, and the force will never loosen its demonic grasp. You may be screwed, but there is still hope for your children.