J and K go to the Auto Show

Yes Virginia, two 300 pound men can
fit in a Mazda Miata.....kinda sorta.

Back in my undergrad days, my buddy J and I went to the local auto show to check out the latest and greatest cars for 2001. We were somewhat disappointed due to the lack of concept cars and the lack of the “oooh and ahhh” attractions of the bigger auto shows around the country. We walked around a bit, trying cars on for size. Now keep in mind, we were each 6-foot-something and around 300 pounds. We made it out of the domestics and made it to the imports. We went through the Acuras, Hondas, Toyotas, and landed up at the Mazda display. We looked at the Miata and couldn’t resist. We started to head for the car and I noticed that one of the stuffed-shirt salesmen was watching our assault on the overgrown Barbie car. He tried to head us off at the pass but we got there before him. We opened the doors and got in.

The car dropped a few inches. We looked like two sardines. My knees were wrapped around the steering wheel and J’s were smashed into the glove box. The salesman looked at us and firmly stated “You guys need to get out of the car! You’re going to break something.” J and I looked at each other and laughed. I looked at the salesman and said (with an ear to ear shit-ass grin) “I’m interested in buying one of these.” He looked at us a little perturbed and raised his voice “You guys need to get out, the joke is over!” I looked at him “Dude, I am serious about the car. Can you help us put the top up?” He begrudgingly assisted in our torturing of the oversized toy. We got the top up. Both of our heads were poking into the canvas roof. It had to look a little like a pair of boobs or ears to the passers-by. J put his camera on the dash and took a picture of us for posterity.

We put the roof back down and tried to get out. By this time, a small crowd had gathered around the car to see the “two big guys in the little car.” We quickly found we were stuck. Our lower bodies were so crammed into the car that we couldn’t fit our hands between our legs and the door far enough to reach the handles. We had to stick our hands out the windows to reach the outside handles to finally get out. We finally escaped the grasp of the Miata and were met with a round of applause. We waved at our instant fan club and moved on. We watched the salesman run over to the car and give it a good once over as we walked away. Next up was the Nissan Z. More of the same feats of contortionism and suspension testing took place as we wrapped up our trip to the auto show. The Mazda salesman was the only A-hole in the bunch.