Revenge of the Nerd

Nerds!!!

In 1992 I was a sophomore in high school. I was one of the bigger kids in my class as well as the school. I was 6’3” and 270 pounds, and yes I played football. I was in gym class and having some fun flirting with the ladies. My hometown had just built a new high school with a kick-ass field house. There was a set of double steel doors leading from the locker room into the field house. I was pushing on one of the doors, giving the hot chick on the other side a hard time and not letting her through. I wasn’t paying very much attention to the other door at the time, obviously side tracked by the hot chick. At the same time the biggest nerd in the school was coming down the hall to the field house. This guy was dweebus maximus. He was so wimpy he couldn’t bench press the curl bar (25 pounds) one time in gym class.

Little did I know, he was running full speed at the door to the field house. He hit the push bar on the door and BOOM! …..the second door flew open and CRACK! …..nailed me in right smack in the middle of my right eyebrow. Everything went black for a few moments, then there were lots of stars. I felt the warm trickle of blood running down my forehead. I wiped the blood from my eyebrow and looked up just in time to catch the biggest nerd in the school running the opposite direction as fast as he could. Somehow the biggest dork in school was able to bring down the biggest guy on the football team in one fell swoop. Kind of like David and Goliath but more like Pee Wee Herman and Mr. Incredible (before he lost the weight). Now, if there was no one else around to see this happen it would not have been a big deal, but, of course, a few of my buddies witnessed the whole thing. I look over and they were rolling on the floor laughing. I heard all sorts of stuff: “Dude! You just got knocked out by super nerd!”  “That doofus just rang your bell.” and “This needs to be on the morning announcements.”

I made my way down to the office and into the nurse’s station. I told her what had happened and she laughed. She found it so funny that she had to go get the principal. He looked at me, shook his head and walked away snickering. Then my football coach walked in, and the barrage continued. The story spread through the school like wildfire. The school called my dad to come pick me up. My dad showed up an hour later to take me to get some stitches. He had a shit-ass grin on his face the whole time. He didn’t ask much, just what happened and did I learn anything from the incident.  We left school and drove to the doctor. My dad just shook his head as the doctor stitched me up. I explained what happened to the both of them in great detail. The doctor looked at me and laughed “You know there are easier ways to impress women, and the door to the head from the biggest nerd in the school isn’t going to help the situation.” 

The nerd who split my head open avoided me the rest of the year. Every time I would see him in the hall he would go the other way. I finally ran into him at the end of the school year. I went up to him and apologized. He looked at me surprised. He was convinced I was going to kill him after what had happened. He was scared shitless. We smoothed things over, laughed a bit, and moved on. I did tell him that I would kick his ass if it ever happened again…….lucky for him, there was no gym class for the Juniors and I knew I would never run into him in the weight room.  To this day I am reminded of this incident when I look in the mirror. The scar is faint but every so often it catches my attention and brings back memories of the day that the biggest nerd in the school knocked me out.