Who Wants Nachos?

Everyone likes nachos....right?

I was in a co-ed service fraternity in college. We did a lot of stuff like Habitat for Humanity, Meals on Wheels, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, and the list went on. We still did a lot of social things but needed to earn money to cover the expenses. We got in contact with the local major league soccer team stadium office in search of money making opportunities. They had a deal where they would pay groups two thousand dollars to clean up the stadium after home games and concerts. We immediately thought that this would be easy money since the games were never more than half full. So we got on the list and waited for opportunity. We eventually go called to see if we were still interested. The funds were running low so we signed up. Little did we know, the game we landed was a World Cup qualifier between the USA and Mexico in early March.

We arrived at the stadium towards the end of the game. We looked around in awe and amazement…..standing room only. The stadium was filled to capacity, and the crowed was insane. Things were nuckin futs! I think it was the first sell-out crowed the stadium ever had. To make things worse it was in the high-thirties and getting colder by the minute. Needless to say, half of the group that was supposed to help didn’t show, so it was going to be a long night. Things finally cleared out and we got to work.

We decided to divide and conquer. I took part of the upper deck and starting picking trash. I made it a few rows. I reached down to pick up a beer bottle and found a twenty dollar bill. I said to myself “Awesome! Beer money for the weekend." I yelled to one of my buddies across the stadium “I found twenty bucks!” My buddy yelled back “I found an unopened beer, the cap is still sealed, I’m gonna drink it.” I immediately thought “I wouldn’t do that if I were you” and kept picking trash.

I continued around the upper bowl of the stadium and made it to the same side one of my other buddies. By this time I had stumbled onto another ten bucks for a total of thirty for the night. I yelled down to my buddy on the lower deck “Hey loser! I found thirty bucks, did you find anything?” I was expecting something like “F-you” in return but there was no response. Then I heard, “Dude.  Hey dude, look down here a minute.” I responded “Gimme a minute” and walked down the steps to upper level railing and looked down.

My buddy was standing below me pointing at a nacho tray on the ground. “Hey, what does this look like to you?” I looked down and responded “Is it a cigar? Looks like a big old stogie, I think I see smoke.” My friend yelled back “Dude! What the hell do you mean cigar? It’s not a cigar; someone took a crap in a nacho tray! This is frickin disgusting…..I think I’m gonna puke…. it’s still steaming.” I yelled down to add some insult to injury “I found thirty bucks…..hahahah!” All I heard back was “You are lucky that you’re not down here, I’d dip this in the left over cheese and shove it in your pie hole.” I started laughing hysterically and walked away.

In the end, I shared the spoils of my find with my buddies. We went to one of the local watering holes for a few rounds the following weekend. I still couldn’t stop laughing at my buddy who had issued the turd alert at the stadium. I looked at him and said “That night kinda felt like Christmas ……I was the good kid and got a surprise that was awesome and you were the bad  kid who got coal, or in this case a big steaming pile of crap.”