Wednesday, April 6, 2011

My Two Little PITA’s

Parenthood is full of frustrations.
Parents always make comments to their adult offspring about how they were such pains growing up. I never really believed it when I was told things like “I hope you have kids that act the way you did” and “someday you’ll understand how frustrating raising children can be.” OK! OK! I get it! Now that I have two little PITA’s (pains in the ass) I understand.  My kids are always saying and doing things that drive my wife and me crazy. We say they are just making every attempt possible to annoy the crap out of us; our parents just call it payback. The following are some of kid-isms that have bubbled to the top of PITA pile of daily frustration.

The Toy I Have to Have
My Son: “Dad! Look” I’ve always wanted one of those…..what is it?”

I Want Ice Cream
My Daughter: “Daddy, I want ice cream.”
Me: “You need to eat your dinner”
My Daughter: “I’m not hungry”
Me: “Do you have room for ice cream?”
My Daughter: “Yes…. I do, can I have ice cream now?”
Me: “No, eat your food first. If you have room for ice cream you can finish your dinner”
My Daughter: “I’m full.”

The Movie We Just “Had to Watch”
My Son: “Can we watch a movie?”
Me: “Which one”
My Son: “My favorite movie”
Me:  “What’s the name of it?”
My Son: “I don’t remember.”
Me: “Why is it your favorite?”
My Son: “I don’t know.”

Getting Dressed
Me: “You need to get dressed, let me help you.”
My Daughter: “NO! I’ll do it!”
Me: “Your pants are on backward and your head is out the armhole of your shirt.”
My Daughter: “Can you help me get dressed daddy?”

Looking for Cool Cars
Me: “Can you see that Challenger down there? Can you see it?”
My Son: “Where?”
Me: “Way down there.”
My Son: “No, I can’t see it. I can only see as far as I can see.”
Potty Training
My Daughter: “I have to pee.”
Me: “Let’s go to the potty.”
My Daughter: “I already peed in my diaper, change it.”

Driving in the Car
Me: “Do you know where we are going?”
My Son: “Yes.”
Me: “Where?”
My Son: “I don’t know.”

Staying up Late on Friday Night
My Son: “Can we stay up later tonight?”
Me: “No, you will still get up at 6am.”
My Son: “Please! Please! Please!”
Me: “OK, you can stay up until 10 but you can’t get out of bed until 8am.”
6 a.m. Saturday morning roles around…..
My Son:  “I’m upppppppp!  Can you get up? I’m not sleepy anymore.”

On Long Road Trips
My son: “Are we there yet?”
Me: “No.”
My Daughter: “Are we there yet?”
Me: “What did I tell your brother?.....No.”
My Son and Daughter in unison: “ARE WE THERE YET?”
Me: “We’ll get there when we get there, just be quiet.”
Less than one minute later……the vicious cycle starts all over.
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