Don’t be a Tool

Look! I'm a one-eyed monster!

I had some interesting neighbors throughout my collegiate career. One year we lived next to a jackwagon named Phil. Phil was one of those guys that rubbed you the wrong way from the minute you met him. No amount of alcohol could make him tolerable. He was just a tool, there’s no other way to put it. We were friends with some of his roommates, and he always seemed to follow them over to our place. The one night we were in the middle of a Euchre game (because that’s the card game of choice in the Midwest), and Phil was being a peckerhead as usual. We couldn’t get him to go away. One of my buddies had reached his fill of Phil and started yelling expletives (fill in your own) at him. The rant ended with the following statement: “You are such a frickin tool! Why do you have to be a dick all the time? You’re like a human dildo……screw you Phildo!” And his nickname was cast in stone and stuck for the remainder of our acquaintance. We soon found that we could have fun with a few other names the same way. Some of our buddies, mainly Will and Bill, quickly became Wildo and Bildo for no necessary reason. It was just funny. And oh yea, not to be chauvinistic, our friend Jill unfortunately was dubbed Jildo (not for being a tool but for having one). Wildo, Bildo, and Jildo….if you ever read this I miss the fun we had and hope all is well. Phildo, if you read this, you still suck and at least you are no longer annoying the crap out of me!