My Mucho Mexican Letdown

Authentic my ass!

I knew this day would come. When it finally did I was unpleasantly surprised. It started like every other Sunday. We went to church then to lunch. My parents were in town so we took them to our favorite local Mexican restaurant. This is one of those places that you would miss if you moved away, and you would definitely make it a place to eat at if you happened to be in town. We walked in and were seated quickly as usual. The waiter came by and we ordered the usual accompaniments for our nachos: queso (cheese) dip and guacamole. He brought back the guac and the bowl of hot melted cheesy goodness that we have loved since day one. I have had hundreds of conversations with my wife about what kind of cheese was in the dip. It tasted strangely familiar but we could never put our finger on it. I tried every type of Mexican melting cheese from the grocery and have never been able to figure out what was in the dip. We had a lengthy conversation about the cheese and my mom finally asked “Have you ever asked them what is in the dip?” We had contemplated asking many times but always thought it was some proprietary secret recipe. So I responded “I think it is some special mix of cheeses. I don’t think they’ll give away the family recipe.”

We finished our meal, paid, and headed for the door. My daughter was the first to start with “I have to pee!” Then my son chimed in “Me too.” My wife and I took our kids to their respective bathrooms to let them do their duty. Meanwhile my mom was talking to one of the managers and asked him about the cheese. When we came out of the restrooms she made the following statement about our favorite cheesy concoction.  She whispered “l know what the cheese is. Do you want to know?” My wife and I eagerly agreed not expecting to get the following answer. “It’s melted Land O’Lakes White American Cheese.” I just looked in disbelief. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. No! No! No! That can’t be it, really? You have to be shitting me! My mom retorted “I asked the guy and he said melted white American cheese. Then I asked if that was all.” He responded “We add our secret spices too.....just kidding! It’s just melted white American cheese.”

I went to the grocery as soon as my parents headed home to validate this wild ass claim. I bought the goods and returned home. I threw a hunk of cheese in the microwave until it was super hot. I took it out and tried it….SHIT! The guy was right! That was it! Land O’Fuckin Lakes White American Cheese! Days went by and I was still in disbelief.  How could this be? All these years we thought it was something extra special that this Mexican restaurant had made. No one in the restaurant speaks English as their native language and they have to use white American cheese? If I ever find some other restaurant item that I just have to know what it is, I will keep my mouth shut. Some mysteries are better left unsolved. Some time the truth hurts. Who would have thought that the secret ingredient in Mexican restaurant’s queso dip was white American cheese?