Random Thoughts by a Random Thinker...Tales from Beyond Left Field. An almost daily blog of short stories for those with short attention spans.
WARNING: The posts you are about to read may contain dirty words like the "F" bomb. If you don't like dirty words, like the "F" bomb, some posts may offend you. The posts are intended to create laughter. Go ahead and read them, shoot your drink out your nose or pee your pants laughing...it will be OK...laughter truly is the best medicine...ENJOY!
I ran to the local Wally-World one Sunday morning to pick up some things for breakfast. I jumped in the car, drove on the “highway to hell,” aka the road to Wal-Mart, and pulled in the parking lot. I hadn’t pooped for two days leading up to the IQ-dropping excursion and my stomach was starting to hurt. I walked up to the door and “Welcome to Wal-Mart” came from behind a row of carts in the entrance way. From behind the carts, the real life personification of the school bus driver from South Park garbed in a blue Wal-Mart vest popped up and waved and smiled as I walked in. The ambush made me jump. I muttered my usual cocktail of curses, grabbed a cart, and moved on. As I set foot across the threshold to ignorance and stupidity, I felt something move in the nether-regions of my stomach and had the uncontrollable urge to drop a deuce. I high-tailed it to the restroom, made my deposit, and continued on my morning adventure. I made it through the store in record time and got the heck out of Dodge without any significant loss of brain power. Wal-Mart figuratively scares the crap out of some people…..it literally scares the crap out of me.
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